Query Critique #1

Good morning, everyone!

Today I'm posting the first in a series of query critiques. I plan on posting one every Friday, so please check back. Thanks so much to the authors for the use of their queries! Okay, on to the critique...

Query:

In the realm of Wyverndawn, a wizard’s height is the mark of his power, and shrinking one inch is disastrous for twelve-year-old Gerald. This is a really good first line. Looking to gain an inch or two, Gerald decides a little landscaping is just what his village needs. I wasn't sure what this sentence has to do with the spell (in the following sentence). The spell has something to do with landscaping? But the spell he bought - from a guy who knows a guy - is a tad more powerful than even he anticipates. Nice. The resulting earthquake breaks off a chunk of Wyverndawn from the rest of the realm allowing Vabalaz, a highly dangerous wizard, to escape from prison. 

A red-faced Gerald is banished from his village and, to complete his shame, shrinks another inch; two more and he’ll join his father as a Royal Equine Poop Disposal Coordinator. Is shrinking the punishment for all wrongdoing and for everyone? I also don't think you need to mention that he'll be working with his father. Gerald’s love of shiny wizarding objects leads him straight to a golden amulet that could be the answer to his problems. How did he learn about the amulet? But when Vabalaz discovers it may also be the key to creating his dream wizard realm, the hunt is on. How would this affect Gerald and his people? It seems like that would be a bad thing. 

Gerald’s hopes of returning home hinge on repairing the damage to Wyverndawn and thwarting Vabalaz’s plans.  But he could really do without fighting off bumbling bandits, dealing with a very smelly Orcling and evading a female elven assassin. I don't think you really need this sentence. The rest of the query sets up the conflict, and stakes fairly well. Failure could mean Gerald’s next spell might very well be his last. The last line works well, too. Overall, I think this a pretty solid query. 

Weekly blog post featuring query/first page critique

I posted on Twitter today that I will be starting a weekly blog post that features a critique of a query or first page. I will post the critique on Friday each week. If you would like be featured (I won't post any personal details), just let me know when you query (OR just email if you're interested--please specify if you'd like a query or first page critique)! I look forward to hearing from you.

*Oh I did want to mention that we did update our submission guidelines, and we no longer require a synopsis. Please visit out website for more details.

~Jordy

Why I might not connect with a character

It is so important for a reader to form an attachment to the characters right away. You may have a great plot, but it is the characters that are going to carry the story, it is through the characters' eyes that the reader will view the world you're creating. If I don't care about character, or what happens to a character during the course of the novel, then I am less inclined to continue reading. I'd like to share a few thoughts about connecting with a character.

 1. I will often find that a character feels "stagnant." That is a character(s) will stay the same throughout the story. The MC needs to have goals and motivations, and those goals/motivation need to realistically reflect the personality/voice of a character. Why are they doing what they are doing?

 2. The voice for each character should be different!!!!!! For example, a grandmother shouldn't sound like a teenager (that might be an extreme example, but you get the idea). Also, if the voice is too similar for each character, they become almost indistinguishable. The voice should reflect: age, gender, education, and social/economic background...pretty much the voice should show us almost everything about a character. 

These are 2 of the biggest things I've noticed, and I hope you'll find this post helpful!

 ~Jordy

Plot Device

Some of the best known plot devices are easily recognizable. For example, The One Ring in J. R. R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, or Zeus' Lightning bolt in Percy Jackson & the Olympians. According to Wikipedia, a plot device is an object or character in a story whose only purpose is to advance the plot of the story, or alternatively to overcome some difficulty in the plot. To me, a great plot device plants a seed that works within the rest of the plot; it gives the character(s) motivation, and helps move the story forward. And I think they make a story more interesting. Can you think of some other well-known plot devices?

Below is a really fun video by Seth Worley.

No response or form letter?

Hi everyone!

Hope everyone had a great weekend! I'm sorry if this post is repetitive. Recently, a number of authors have re-queried or asked for a status on their submission. I've mentioned before that time, unfortunately, doesn't allow us to send a detailed response as to why we passed on a project. Also, in our submission guidelines we state that we are only able to respond to the projects that we are interested in. That being said, I would love to hear what you all would prefer. Would you rather receive a from (rejection) response, or would you rather have no response? Thanks!

~Jordy 

Queries, partials and fulls...oh my!

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! I know waiting for a response regarding a query or partial/full request is killer. I just wanted to share a few things to keep in mind while you're waiting.

*If I requested a partial/full and you haven't heard back from me in 6-8 weeks, please feel free to follow up. It's quite easy to get backed up with requests, so chances are I just haven't had the opportunity to finish reading your submission. Also, please keep in mind that along with queries and requests, we also have our clients work to consider, which must take priority, so that may delay a response as well. I will definitely respond if I have requested material. 

*While I am very happy for the authors who receive an offer/offer(s) for representation and wish them all the best, recently, there have been a few times where an author will notify me after the fact, after they have already accepted another offer. If you have a partial/full with me, please keep me posted on any offers you receive...even if you would like to withdraw your manuscript from consideration (if you have an offer or an offer of publication). You can imagine how disappointing it would be to finish a manuscript, offer representation, only to find out that the author already signed with another agent, or signed a contract with a publisher.

*While I would love to respond to every single query I receive, unfortunately, time just doesn't allow. Also, please be sure to check our submission guidelines. We are unable to open attachments (unless requested), and please don't just send us links.

Thanks so much for reading! Have a wonderful week.

~Jordy

Cliche openings and other things that I've seen a lot of recently

It is very common to run across a number of submissions that have similar openings. I wanted to share what I see a lot of, and what will probably dissuade me from reading further.

1. We first see the character when they are waking up and going through a routine.
2. A dream. This sort of goes along with number 1.
3. Flashback.
4. A very descriptive/wordy opening that is all telling. The imagery may be well written, but it's always important to consider how everything you include works to move the story forward, or helps with character development. Is there another way to establish the setting?

Another thing I find quite often is a prologue. While prologues can be great, it's always a good idea to ask yourself if it is absolutely necessary.

Pet peeve: I've recently read a number of YA submissions where the characters attend a party, which I totally understand, but I didn't really see the significance, why the scene was important, or how it helped move the plot forward/tied into the rest of the story.

- Everything should tie together. I've come across scenes that really don't serve a purpose. I would always recommend considering why something is important, and how does whatever it is affect later events? Always think of cause and effect...even with character motivation!

When you read so many queries that have similar themes, they tend to all start to sound similar...with a similar voice, similar characters, settings etc. If the pages don't stand out, we won't want to read any further.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks so much for reading!

~Jordy